I'm going to tell you my little story.My name is Natalia Nikolaevna Nikitina. I was 31
at January of 2011.These were 31 years of struggle against the world where sometimes such awful and
dreadful things are taking place,so it seems it's over,I can't hold on more.But when I think
about people who suffer much more than myself and they don't surrender the thoughts come sudden - I have to live...
I was hit by a train and after gangrene and a lot of surgery I lost my legs completely
when I was 5 years old.I spent a year in a hospital and after I was driven to an orphanage immediately
because after the incident my mother didn't want to take me home,she was afraid. In the
orphanage my temper hardened, I learned to distinguish good and evil.There's no way to show the weakness or you've been smashed down...
Nevertheless I finished school successfully,I went in for
sports, won various sport competitions for disabled children.My situation,
my pain drove me to art,I smiled,I sang and danced crying by
my very heart that I WANT to live like anyone!All these things helped me to forget why sometimes the life is full of awful .
Why when a person become disabled(Oh God,
how I hate this word!) no one want to understand,to help him,it isn't our choice to be disabled.
When I was 16, I came to Sankt Petersburg to study.Six years ago I took medical advice in the prosthetic
institute and had my new legs done, there
I met my future husband Alexey. He is also disabled, but it doesn't matter. He
is a good person, we fell in love with each other and got married.
Then another live began and a new trial came.
Soon I got pregnant and there seemed to be no limit to
our happiness.We had been waiting for this child so much,but doctors ruined her life..They suddenly decided that a woman with no legs and heavy
short-sightedness should deliver a baby herself. When the birth began, there
was no one by my side to help me.
17.04.2003 at 17.35 Lidochka was born.
"She's dead...She's not breathing...Breathing!Now to save the mother quickly!To intensive therapy at once!" These are moments of uttermost sorrow,woe and hate...But it was too late..
Because of doctors' negligence my girl suffers from a serious form of ICP (infantile cerebral paralysis)..why should our children suffer so much?Why our lives could be trusted to these rascals...Oh God,how could we trust them?
Why could they dare to order our lives,which are difficult enough without them?
They've been destroyed ...
Now Lidochka is 6 years old, but she can't talk, though she understands everything perfectly well. She neither can sit, walk and even eat on her own, because her arms and legs won't obey.
But it often comes to me that my elder daughter
could be healthy as well and it makes me particularly sad. Unfortunately she is
deprived of many things, and which is the most important - of real life.
Though I try my best to make her
life at least a little easier. I managed to place Lidochka in a specialized
centre, where they try to cure such children and I find a nurse for her.If only I could give her enough,but our disability pensions
are not enough.Just I coudn't leave her in such condition. My baby always smiles, she likes people and is very kind
and sociable.She is getting out to playground and her smile is so special when she looks to another children's games.
29.12.07 I gave birth to my second daughter Katyusha.It wasn't sudden,we were planning this pregnance like the first one.
Now Katusha is going to a kindergarten and she is 3 years 2 months old. She began to crawl,to sit,to walk, to talk
It's so sad to see that Lidochka deprived from all these things.How did I want that the cure will help her!And without
your help I couldn't succeed.
I thought we've decided with Lidochka's cure,but I felt worse and to the end of February I had been forced to go hospital.
The analysis shown that a cancer began to devour me. But I'm only 31,I believe it couldn't happen with me...May be I worried too much and my health couldn't stay.
Therefore I try to keep away from thinking about it, so my children need me so much ,especially Lidochka which I can't leave,it would be fatal to her,I'm to live whatever happen...I WANT TO LIVE SO MUCH!
The surgery took place at March,17.I was afraid like anyone else,but I went through it...I thought "to cut and forgot",but the tumour spread metastasis to the liver and I need the chemotherapy.After May of last year I got 7 courses of chemotherapy,the 7th one made me very sick and chemotherapy was cancelled.First test show complete success,but at last November more metastasis in the liver were revealed...I don't know why...I've been so scared,especially for my little daughters...OH GOOD,I WANT TO LIVE SO MUCH!!!
Thank you very much for listening to my story. I believe
there are still kind people in the world, who are able to understand another
person's ache, to sympathise and maybe even to help... If you are such a person,
for all the necessary information see "Contacts".
My health is getting worse and I'm preparing Lidochka to live in the same orphanage where I grew up.I think it will be better to her to live there with children like her,to live like somebody else.My girl is going to study and get health there and,after all,to be with COMMUNITY and to LIVE.
God bless you and your family!Let you and your's be happy,strong and ,especially, healthy
Fragment from Russian TV programm about our family
NTV news from 16.11.2009
"When the dreams come true".NTV news from 3.12.2009
photos by Dinara Kasimova
Local newspaper wrote "Natasha's dreams"